There's A Reason Chapter Five

  Meeting Paul's friends was... okay, I guess. No matter what the person I get along most with is Paul and I don't much care about anyone else. What that one bloke said had bothered me. I can't even remember what he said anymore, though, but I didn't like it then. Something in me didn't like anyone but meself to say things, no matter how bad, about Paul. He didn't even ask me what the guy had said. I felt more important to him. I really can't explain.


  Going to his house wasn't as bad as as was going to mine. Probably because we were alone. Something was bloody weird, though. I knew it once he'd closed the door to his room. He wasn't being bossy either.



And then he'd kissed me.


  I was scared. I never thought he'd be... queer or ought. And even if he were, I'd never think he'd want me. I didn't know what to think. "What was that?!" I asked. But he just moved around all funny and kept grabbing at his hair. He couldn't answer me. I wasn't gonna stay like this. I got up and headed for the door, picking up my guitar. "George, wait!" He'd grabbed my wrist, and I dunno if he was trying to pull me to hold me or something. I just kept trying to get away. "I'll see you Monday, Paul."


  I nearly ran out of his room, hearing him groan and swear at himself and shouting at me to come back, with some... Well, they weren't really apologies. And they weren't excuses either. Something told me he'd been wanting to do it. It was on purpose, wasn't it? I walked home, and on my way, all I could think about was the kiss. It wasn't much of a real one, but... It was my first one. And I liked it. I felt stupid and confused and angry and happy because I'd liked it. I hadn't even kissed a girl yet, and here I was thinking about kissing me best mate.


  When I got home, I ran up to my room and went straight to bed. My mam didn't even ask anything. I just lay there... I fell asleep after a while. I kept waking up, though. Thinking about Paul, the kiss, if we'd do it again. What would it be like when I saw him again? We couldn't just forget it happened. For some reason, I hoped he'd do it again. I didn't care about what anybody thought. I was already different. If I liked me best mate, what the bloody hell did it matter to everyone else? I sighed, and after that thought, I fell asleep again.


  When I got onto the bus, I smiled at Paul when I saw him waiting for me at our seat. We didn't say anything, though. We didn't even gather up behind the school like we usually did. When we got to the gates, Paul grabbed my shoulder and stopped me. "Can we walk home together after?" I stared at him, confused. What did he want? "Yeah, juss meet me here." He let me go and I walke on over inside, turning a bit to give him a glance.


  The school day felt long, and I just stayed in the back and drew in me notebook. It wasn't much different from a regular day, except I kept thinking of what Paul wanted when we'd go home together. When the day finally did end, I got out as quickly as I could and waited for him at the gates. I leaned on them, and when I'd raised my hand to go through my hair, I noticed it was shaking. I didn't wait for him very long, and he walked up to me, smiling. "Let's go." 


  The walk was completely quiet, we didn't dare to speak, and in the middle of the street...
I stopped.
  Paul turned back after a few small steps, noticing I'd just stopped walking and stood there. It was awkward, and I didn't want it to feel that way from now on. I just wanted things to be the way they were before. I looked down, staring as hard as I could into the ground.
  "George..." He walked over to me, and I could see his feet below.
  "It's okay..." 
  I blinked, and next thing I knew, my chin was between his fingers, lifting my face up to look at him.
  "It's alright. It's just me..." And he got closer to me, his nose on my cheekbone, and his breathing made me shake.


He closed his eyes, and it all seemed so slow... And he kissed me.


Softly... slowly...
  And I didn't run away this time. I just stood still. I couldn't move. 
  He stopped and put his forehead on mine, and all I could hear was breathing, mine harder than his, and my heartbeat thundering in my ears. He grabbed my shoulders, his arms then moving to hug me. After trying for a few seconds not to look at anything, I slowly moved my arms to hug him back. I could feel his breath in me hair, and... this felt nice. The nicest feeling I've ever had.
  He finally let go of me after a while, and I looked around to see that no one was watching. He chuckled, and he nodded back to where we were headed, and we walked again.


  Our walk home was quiet, and once we got to the street where we split up, we didn't say goodbye. We just smiled at each other, Paul gave me a wink, and we went our own ways.
  I was quieter than usual when I got home, and at dinner, when my mam asked me what was wrong, I smiled, remembering the walk home, and said, "Nothing."
Because nothing was wrong. In fact, it was all so right.


  I sighed when I went to bed, and I lay there for a while, my arms going up and my fingers between each other to go behind my head, smiling. I didn't think I'd fall asleep so soon. It was the first time in who knows when that I went to sleep feeling happy.
  
  And now I'm dreaming of him. Dreaming of Paul. My imagination running away with thoughts of what more we could do. How great it'd feel.


Smiling in my sleep.


Because I like Paul.


I really do.